When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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