final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
