Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
