Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
