I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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