Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
