Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
