how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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