Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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