I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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