Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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