i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
