i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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