I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
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I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
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Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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