i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
