I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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