she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
