walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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