I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
