weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
