do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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