@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
