And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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