Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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