you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
