I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
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I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
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I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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