this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
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I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
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I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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