Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
