I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
