But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
