We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
