Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
