New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I had to cum in my sink.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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