Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
