he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
