Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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