Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Randomize
