This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
