I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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