he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
God I need to hump something, right now.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
