It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
