things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
