the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
we're chasing vodka with high fives
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
