I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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