I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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