ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
