omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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