New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
