My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
