How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
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mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I want a musical about memes.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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