and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
