Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
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The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
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I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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