omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize