I just saw a hot homeless man
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
