i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
two words...techno handjob
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
