i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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