someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
