Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
