By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
