My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
two words...techno handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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