Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
