Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
