Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
