I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
