My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Oh god it's open bar.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
