i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
