Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
