It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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