I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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