You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
