dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
