I cannot find my penis.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
