idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
