I'm drive I can fine osifer
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
