You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Randomize
