in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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