he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
