can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize