you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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