so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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