please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
