I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
