I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
