I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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